Conflicted [#52weeks]

It’s hard to write this week. I keep coming up with ideas of things to write a post about, but when it comes time to write, there are too many peripheral thoughts tugging at my focus. Sadly, I think I’m going to have to leave those ideas for a different night. Tonight I can only write about my state of mind.

Right now, I am conflicted. But before I get there, let’s go back to a few weeks ago. I had turned a page and I was looking forward to looking forward. I had just turned a new page and was looking out into the wild blue yonder. Anything seemed possible. Fast forward a few weeks to today.

Good heavens, anything is possible.

MotherofGod

Well, ok, not anything, but the world is now filled with possibilities. This is a terrifying fact to me right now. As I said in my previous post, I like to plan, gauge probabilities of outcomes, assess potential consequences. But right now there are so many different scenarios floating out there in the ether, it’s impossible to examine every contingency. What am I to do if I feel I can’t do that with any reliability?

I truly don’t know.

Clearly, this is a life skill I need to work on.

The good news is that I’m starting a new Tai Chi class tomorrow night. I took a semester of Tai Chi in college, and I have to say it helped me feel centered and calm in a turbulent time in my life. I hope it can help me out now, too.

Next time I’ll stop being so egocentric and write about something more exciting, like my World of Warcraft character (cc Dan)!

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